The Legendary Rubix Cube
by Emo Orchid
Summary: Our wacky crew: Rose, Roach, Milly, and Ayame , are on an quest. That quest is the quest for the Legendary Rubix Cube. Follow our group as they meet various characters on their journey for this not so old artifact. R&R please.
1. Chapter 1: A Night At Camp

**The title's actually The Legendary Rubix Cube of the Pen0r, but I had to change it because the title was supposed to be rated G. ;**

**Hahah! I'm allowed to use these names cuz…. #gasp# I'm one of the characters! And these are my friends! That is, except for any copyrighted characters I may use from any copyrighted material, such as Sephiroth (hearts) and anybody else…. My friend actually used these characters in one of her stories, too. XD Soooooo, I COMMAND YOU TO READ IT….**

* * *

Rose walked ahead, plopping down onto a nearby boulder to rest. "Hmm…This is the perfect place to try my new laptop. It's supposed to work anywhere in the world." She pulled a thin silvery laptop out of her pack and set it on her…uh….well, lap. Soon, she was typing away madly, talking to her boyfriend in Canada and friends on gaia at the same time. 

Meanwhile, Milly walked up holding some leashes, dragging a couple of men on the other end. "Hurry up, you're lagging!" She said, as she tugged on them.

"Who're they?" Roach asked, slowly dropping her pack, then dropping from a nearby tree. "They aren't Leon or Steve. And that looks a little Hispanic, but he's definitely not Luis…"

"Oh, it's easy to loose my sex-slaves out in the wilderness. I didn't feel like having to search for such priceless ones such as Steve, so I picked up some wild ones."

"But aren't strays a little dangerous? I mean, who knows what kind of tricks they'll try in the sack…."

"I know. They're already giving me problems. Look how much they wander. I'll just have to teach them who's boss." She yanked on the leash and the men gave a yelp as they fell backwards. Roach and Milly giggled. But all happiness ended when….SHE arrived.

"Hey, why didn't you guys wait?" Ayame huffed, hunched over, and dropped her pack to the ground. "I was calling you from way back there!"

"Gee, I guess we didn't hear you…" Roach replied as she rolled her eyes.

"……….." Ayame stared blankly for a moment, then smiled. "Okay! So are we resting here then?"

"Oh, I didn't really think about it. I suppose so." Milly replied.

"That's good." Rose said, avidly typing away on her new laptop.

"So she can stay on her internet…" Ayame whispered. Roach and Milly giggled under their breath, ignoring Rose's glare. Roach, Milly, and Ayame all went to their packs and set up their tents in their own ways. Roach's process, by far, was the strangest. She walked around the tent, setting down various candles, saying something, then stopped in front it and dropped a few leaves.

"What are you doing?"

"Why do you do that?"

"You're so weird…" Everyone chimed in with some comment on her action, staring at her weirdly.

"Hey! I have a portal to other worlds, dimensions, and even HELL in here! I'm putting up a spiritual barrier here! There's no way I'm gonna let anything happen again like Irune."

(Hey, a flashback! Wooooo!)

* * *

"Lets see….That should be all of it." 

"Are you sure, Roach? We don't wanna make any mistakes."

"What could possibly go wrong, Rose?"

_**2 ½ minutes later…**_

"OMFG! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! SHE'S ON A RAMPAGE!"

"Sephiroth! Where are you, my love? I want to marry you!"

* * *

"Oh yeah…Right…" 

Roach sighed. "Good times, good times…Too bad the experiment was such a failure."

"Tadaa! I'm done!" Ayame did some lame, anime-ish pose and showed off her tent, covered in anime posters and Elvis stuff.

"Heheh…" Milly snuck into her tent as soon as she finished hers. Her tent looked like a standard military tan, but once inside, it was far from ordinary…There were a few beds with assorted #cough# items.

"Aaaaggghhhh! You're crazy!"

"No! Get back here! Dammit!" Soon, the men ran out of the tent and into the forest. Milly stomped out after them, screaming random profanities and cracking her whip.

"Hey, Milly…I think your sex-slaves got away…" Milly screamed and Roach began laughing as she crawled into her black tent. It had red seams and was made of denim. Nobody knew what was inside it though.

Rose's tent was different shades of purple with wing decals at the top and the inscription "What's there to live for, if the one thing that is important is gone forever?" in white on the bottom. Everybody climbed into their tents for the night.

_**Later that night…**_

"Psst…Milly."

"What? Roach?"

"Yeh, I knew you weren't sleeping. Come on."

"Huh?" Milly got up and began following Roach towards her tent.

"I've got a portal, remember?" Milly beamed with joy as Roach opened her tent flap.

* * *

So ends Chapter One. 0.o LORD BOOMSHAKALAK IS PLEASED WITH THIS. 

Wi, Pierre agrees. Heh, split personalities.


	2. Chapter 2: Wake Up Call!

**Alas, it is chapter two. Again, only the characters that I have are mine. Otherwise, they're not mine. Leon, Steve, and Luis are from Resident Evil (for instance) and Sephiroth is, of course, from Final Fantasy VII. Then, whatever other characters I use. You see, I just kind of make this up as I go along….so I don't really know what other characters are going to be in it yet, so yeh….you'll see….

* * *

**

Ayame stretched and yawned, slowly waking up as it was already 10:30 in the morning. After tidying her tent, she crawled out to see that Rose had spent the night awake on her laptop chatting the whole time in her tent. Rose was now sitting cross-legged in her tent with the flaps tied open so sunlight and air could get in. Ayame giggled and shook her head, then walked cautiously over to Milly's tent. "Milly? Are you awake?" She slowly pulled up the flap to find an empty tent. "Huh? Hey! Where's Milly!"

Rose stretched out her whole body, yawning loudly. "How should I know? Why don't you ask Roach…?"

Ayame walked over to Roach's tent and, in an attempt to open it, hit an invisible wall. "Uhmf!" She hit the ground with a thud and Rose burst out into laughter.

"Roach set up a barrier, remember?" Rose exclaimed, still laughing.

"Oh yeh…" Ayame complained while rubbing her bottom sorely.

* * *

Roach's ear twitched after hearing the vibrations of Ayame's rump hitting the ground. She rolled around in her bed then rose, yawning, and walked over to Milly's room. She knocked on the door. "Milly. Milly, it's time to get up. Hey! We have to get up now!" Roach growled with frustration and barged in the room to see Milly hanging half off the bed, drooling down her cheek in her sleep. Leon and Steve were chained and "fuzzy-handcuffed" to some nearby beds. She stomped over to Milly and began shaking her. "Hey! We gotta get up now!"

"Wha? Oh….Bleeeeehhhh….!" She fell to the floor and groaned. "Ah, fine." They both made their way to the kitchen, grabbing cereals, bowls, and other breakfast stuff, then brought it all back to the dimensional portal in Roach's closet and jumped through.

"Whoa!" They both yelled out as they flew out, landing on Ayame, still clutching breakfast. Roach dusted herself off, then picked up her things and began eating. "Oh, we got breakfast."

"Waaaaaahhh! Get off me!" Ayame screamed, still underneath Roach.

"Oh. I thought the ground felt a little…"

"Don't say it…" Roach nearly choked in laughter as Ayame glared at her. Apparently, she didn't like the joke. Rose closed her laptop and stood, walked over to Roach, grabbed a granola bar, then sat down and ate it.

"You're right, it is." Rose said.

"Agh! Will you two get off of me?" Ayame screamed. In the meantime, Milly was eating a McDonald's breakfast sandwich thing with a leash on the poor bastard who delivered it.

"How the hell…?" Rose asked, confused.

"Just don't ask." Roach answered, finishing her cereal. She and Rose got off of Ayame and helped her up. Ayame dusted herself off.

"Um, Roach…What were you and Milly doing in the same tent? And where did all this breakfast stuff come from? And how did Milly manage to get a McDonald's guy to come out here?" Rose questioned.

"Yeah!" Ayame joined in. Roach did her shifty eyes, made a ninja pose, and asked the question.

"Do you really wanna know?"

"Well, yeah, I do." Rose replied, raising one eyebrow.

"Bwahaha! You'll never know!" Roach dashed into her tent. Rose sighed, rolled her eyes, then walked in her tent.

"Whoa!" She fell into the dimensional portal into Roach's room.

"Hey! This is my room! Go to your own room…" Roach glared.

"So this is where you two went. Wait a second, that's not fair! We had to stay out there in our tents all night and you guys came back and slept in beds?" Rose exclaimed. Roach began laughing, then realized that Rose was mad.

"Uh, yeah."

"I thought you weren't supposed to use the portal for self-comforts, though."

"Well, I'm not _supposed_ to. But hey, I have to watch the damn thing. Why not use it?"

* * *

"I'm gonna follow them. I wanna know what's going on!" Ayame said and walked towards the tent. #BAM!# She slammed into the barrier again. Milly began laughing in the middle of grooming her new sex-slave. "Dammit! What the hell? Why can't I go in there but you two can?"

"She's the one who put up the barrier. Ask her." Milly ripped off the sex-slave's shirt and began strapping on the leather.

"Uh, hey, why don't you let me go free? I've been good, I swear!" The man whined.

"Shut-up! You've been a naughty boy!" Milly screamed. She put a ball gag in his mouth and sat him down. "Now sit your ass down! Stay!"

"Hey, Milly, he looks a little familiar, doesn't he?"

"Hmm…"

* * *

"I just don't think you should be doing that…"

"Whatever. Hey, I wonder what's going on with the others…"

"Oh yeah, we're supposed to be in the woods." Roach and Rose jumped back through the closet to the woods to meet back with the other two. Rose looked over at Milly's fresh catch.

"Milly? Isn't that Demyx?"

"Wha?" Milly looked back at him quixotically for a moment, then began jumping with glee. "I'm going to add you to my collection! I didn't recognize you in that McDonald's uniform! Heehee… My sexy bishi…"

"Oh, he's fucked…" Rose said. Roach began laughing. "What? Was it really that funny?"

"No…that's not until tonight! Ahahahahaha!" They all began laughing. That is, except for Demyx.

"Wait, weren't we on a quest?" Ayame said.

"Yeah, that's right. We should get going!" Roach replied. So the crew packed up and headed out.

**I know it doesn't seem like there're that many other characters right now, but I'm still getting to it. This is difficult cuz when we first made this story it was just a few my friends and I in a circle going around. So, I'm trying to draw it out. #sob# But I will add more actual characters from other things. And so ends chapter two!**


	3. Chapter 3: Fucking Ship

**My my! Chapter Three. What perils await our group as they journey further into the forest? We shall see….**

**Oh yeh, and all that "DISCLAIMER" crap.

* * *

**

"What have I done to deserve this?" Demyx complained as he walked along, dragged by Milly and the leash.

The group walked along underneath the looming tree branches and the beams of sunlight that shone through the leaves. Roach bobbed her head to the music blaring in her ears, Rose read a book, Milly contently dragged her sex-slave, and Ayame sang Elvis songs.

"Hmm?" Roach looked up. "What's that?"

"It sounds like a ship…" Rose said, without looking up from her book. Roach pulled the earphones from her ears. Rose leaned against a nearby tree. The rest just stopped and Roach climbed a tree nearby, staying for only a second, then ran down, screaming.

"Get out of the way! Quick everybody, move!" Everyone ran back and stopped a dozen feet from where they were. Just as Roach landed on the ground, a small ship came crashing through the trees towards the ground. It barely cleared Roach as she ran to the rest. The ship landed with a bit of a thud and the door opened. Two men walked out, one about teen aged, the other looking in his twenties.

"Oh, great, Cliff! Oh yeah, listen to your instincts! Wonderful, YOUR instincts landed us right in the middle of a forest!"

"Well, geez, Fayt. My instincts never put us in trouble before…"

"Oh, bull crap! Do I need to – "

"Hey! Uh, yeah, do you guys mind shutting the fuck up and telling us…Who the fuck are you!" Roach screamed out, still a little tiffed about almost being squished by their ship.

"Right. I'm Fayt, the protector of – "

"Yeah, yeah, save it. I'm Cliff. I drive the ship."

"You drive the ship, huh? That's fascinating. So, now I know who the beat the shit out of!" Roach lunged towards Cliff, but Milly and Ayame stopped her at the last minute. "You nearly made me a bug on a windshield with your shitty flying! Asshole!"

"Roach! Down!" Rose yelled. Roach screamed, then sat on the ground and pouted.

"Heh, thanks. What was all that about, anyway?" Cliff asked.

"Well, considering how crappy your flying was, you nearly squished Roach underneath your ship."

"Roach?" Cliff looked at Roach amusingly. He tried to hold back a laugh, but couldn't help it. He burst out into laughter, Fayt laughing with him. "What kind of name is THAT!" Roach growled and shot upwards.

"Oh yeh! Well, what the hell kinda name is Cliff!"

"Hahaha…Okay, so we know your name. What about the rest of you? And what are four girls….or is that three girls and a boy?" Roach glared at Fayt. Fayt then realized his foolish mistake and ducked down. "Ehem, I mean. What are four girls such as yourself doing wandering around in the forest?"

Rose spoke up first, seeing how the other two seemed a little occupied. "I'm Rose. The bondage freak over there with the sex-slave drooling over you two is Milly. And the idiot over there singing annoying songs is Ayame." Milly stood staring dreamily at the two men, a little string of drool hanging from her mouth.

"So, let me get this straight. Rose, Roach, Milly, and Ayame. What an odd mix you guys are. But what are you doing here?" Fayt asked.

"We're looking for the Legendary Rubix Cube of the Penor. As if it's any of _your_ business…" Roach was still a little angry at the ship incident.

"The WHAT?" Fayt and Cliff exclaimed in unison.

"Hey…You two are awful cute…" Milly said.

"Gee, that's ni-" Fayt began to say.

"No! Don't! Run for your li-"

"Shut-up, Demyx!" Milly kicked her slave. "I'm gonna have to keep you quiet." Milly grabs a ball gag from who knows where and stuffs it into Demyx's mouth.

"Um….okay?" Cliff said.

"The Legendary Rubix Cube of the Penor. Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to continue through the Salmonella Forest."

"Wait, let us come with……What's that?" Fayt turned just as Milly tackled the both of them, quickly leashing and laughing maniacally.

"Bwahahaha! Alas, you two are MINE!"

"Well, it looks to me, you have no choice." Roach said, putting her earphones back over her ears and following the others along the path.

"Okay, this time, it WASN'T my instincts that got us into a mess."

"How does this crap always happen to me?"

"Quiet, sex-slaves!"

"Uh, heh, what exactly does she mean by 'sex-slave'?" Cliff asked.

"Isn't it a little self-explanatory? Anything she wants, you're giving it to her….Heheh…hahahaha…" Roach began laughing. "Get it? _Give it to her!_ Ahahaha!"

"This is all your fault…" Fayt glared at Cliff. Roach turned up the volume on her iPod and grinned at their demise.

Milly sighed. "If only I had Leon. What good times I had with him. Heheh, you two will make great additions to my collection. Hmmmm….Leon…." Milly looked up, dreamily. Roach saw her and took off her headphones.

"What's up with you?"

"Just thinking about the times I had with Leon."

"Heh, you know what that reminds me of?"

* * *

**Bwahahaha! You won't find out what happens until the next chapter! I R so Ebil. Oh, and for those of you who don't know what Fayt and Cliff are from, they're from the game _Star Ocean: Till The End Of Time._**


	4. Chapter 4: Flashback of DOOM!

**Ah, yes. The moment you've been waiting for! Yes…YES! It is….CHAPTER FOUR! Meh.**

"**DISCLAIMER" crapola.

* * *

**

Roach thought back to how it is that Milly had obtained Leon in the first place. (Ooooo, goody! A flashback!) It was a long time ago…

"Damn, how am I going to get through here? There's so many zombies…" Leon said to himself, looking into the large field infested with the undead brought about by the T-Virus. There was a sudden rumbling when the King of the Cosmos showed up.

He pointed down at Leon, who was looking at him in shock. Prince rolled down his arm to the ground. "You, young Prince. It seems that on our last trip, one of my ball sacs were ripped off. I need you to roll a GRAND katamari as a substitute. This looks like a good place to do it. Roll as many of those…..zombies? Right, roll up as many zombies as you can." Leon still looked in awe.

"What the hell are those? And….how the fuck did he rip his BALL SAC?" Leon put a hand in front of his genitals and gave a grimace. That's when the horror started.

Prince nodded to the King and began rolling the large colorful ball around. Leon watched gleefully as the zombies stuck to the large ball. But soon, the large katamari was rolling towards Leon. He screamed in terror (like a little schoolgirl! hahaha!) and ran frantically from it.

"I don't wanna be zombie food! I don't wanna be rolled up on that thing! I DON'T WANT TO BE STUCK WITH THOSE DAMN ZOMBIES!" He sobbed and whined as he ran.

"Oh my god! Milly, take a look at that! That's fuckin' hilarious!" Roach screamed out in laughter as she watched the whole thing unfold. Milly turned her attention to what Roach was laughing at and her eyes grew wide.

"Leon….I MUST OWN THAT BISHI!" Milly screamed out in a war cry.

"That guy'll never have a chance." Rose said, shaking her head. Roach still continued to laugh.

"Honestly, I never knew a guy could scream like that."

"Haha, did you just say you knew a guy an ice cream pet?"

"God, Ayame! Get the spuds outta your ears! Sheesh!" Roach clunked Ayame on the head and turned back to continue watching.

"LEEEEEOOOOOONNNN!" Milly cried out and tackled Leon away from the katamari. The large ball rolled by, still picking up zombies.

"Phew! You saved m-" He looked over at Milly, who had a crazed look in her eyes. "Oh dear."

"Aaaaaaaahhhhh! Bishi!" Milly yelled and attempted to tackle him again, but he slipped away.

"Hey! I've heard of you! Get away from me! No!" He ran from her, but again faced that gigantic ball of zombies rolling towards him. "Why!" Milly tackled him once again and put the leash around his neck. Leon whined. "Shit always has to happen to meeeee…"

Meanwhile, Prince finished up his katamari and returned it to the King. "Ah, you have done well. You shall be rewarded. But first, I need to put this ball in place." The King of the Cosmos suddenly pulled down his pants and grabbed the katamari.

"Wow." Roach said.

"What is it? Are you amazed?" The King replied.

"Actually, you penis…It's seemed much larger with your pants on. I mean, compared to us, it's still rather large. But, I mean, with the bulge and all. I just expected so much more."

"Ack! You dare insult the size my large erect penis!"

"What are you going to do about it?"

"That is it! You shall be fucked until…."

* * *

"Hey! You're confusing fantasy with the real story!" Milly shouted out. 

"Heh, oh yeh. My bad!" Roach replied. "Anyway, back to the flashback…"

* * *

"Ack! You dare insult the size of my penis!" 

"Uh, yeh. I mean look at it! Your gonads are larger. If you ask me, I think you're compensating with those."

The King of the Cosmos quickly pulled up his pants, arranged himself, and glared at Roach. "I'm…I'm just not erect! I'm taking pills for it! Bahaha! See? I win! The King of the Cosmos always wins!" With that, he flew off.

Milly rode on Leon's back, whipping him, back to our group. And that, my friends, is the story of how Milly obtained Leon. Oh god, you don't even wanna know about the shit that happened that night.

Fayt and Cliff looked at each other in dismay. "Oh no. We're doomed." Fayt said. Cliff nodded in agreement.

* * *

**Was it good for you? It was good for me! Oh, we're talking about the story? Heheh, my bad….again… Anyway, this marks the end of Chapter Four: The Flashback of DOOM!**


End file.
